Fueling up with ramen and lovely protein bar for breakfast, I was ready to hit the road. My goal for the day was around 100 miles, as I had taken it "easy" the day before, (relatively easy, that is). Although I left early, it did not take long for the sun to warm up and unleash it's dry heat on me. The wind was far stronger than the day before, with 28 mph crosswinds. Leaning into the wind took a little bit more effort, and as I was being beaten up by the wind. Sunglasses are a must for these kinds of conditions, even if it is cloudy (which it definitely wasn't), as the dry air will dry your eyes right out, and the dust easily finds it's way in.
I stopped midway for a snack and to refill my water bottle with water from the three liter jug. My water got caught with the wind, my cap fell, and got quickly whisked across the road. Even standing, with my bike propped up against me was difficult, as it felt as though I would be pushed over. Think about the worst winds you have ever driven through on the highway, you loose speed as you try to maintain control of your vehicle. This is the same for riding a bike, except you only need to turn the steering wheel to gain control of your car. On a bike, you have to thrust your whole body to one side, and then watch out for waning gusts, when your leaning then becomes an overcompensation. When I finally got to Rush Center, 33 miles into the trip, I was in need of a break--my body was so exhausted. To make matters far worse, I was about to turn into the 28 mph, with gusts from 31-37 mph, for NINETEEN miles. This was the area where I intending to stay the night before, 4 miles North, instead if Ness City. I wanted to kick myself for not making it here last night, but things work in mysterious ways. The nature of this trip allows me to wonder how things would turn out of I had made a different decision. For example, where would I end up today if I had started from here this morning and not 32 miles away? Obviously, I had made a decision that was best for me at the time, and I will continue to do so, but it is interesting to think about how simple decisions you make really can have great impact on how you get things done, even if the end result won't change.
I sat down at pretty much the only open building in the small town, which was a restaurant and bar. It was packed. There were no windows, so I had wanted to sit outside to keep an eye on my bike. I sat at the picnic table for a bit waiting for the waitress, thinking about the hellacious experience I was about to undertake. I have never seen wind like this before on a bike. Nor did I ever think it was possible to have sustained winds like this and be able to bike, and here I was, having to face it. I had a choice: ride the tailwind north 4.5 miles and stay there and wait for the wind to pass overnight, or show the wind who was boss and try to make more than 32 miles progress for that day. So, I decided to fight the battle, to make progress, even if it was only another 33 miles for the day (but it would be 33 miles closer to getting out of Kansas). At that point, two older gentlemen walked passed me and chuckled as they asked me how my day was going. "Enjoying this wind?" they asked. I shook my head no with wide eyes. One guy told me that he couldn't believe I was out in it, and asked me where I was headed. When I told them I was about to head right into it, the man in the blue checkered shirt and overalls looked at his friend in the red t-shirt strapped down with navy suspenders, and then back at me. "You have my mercy," he said.
I eventually went inside (I think they forgot about me, they were so busy, so it would be easier if I just went in and checked on my bike periodically). As I was shoving my meal into my mouth, the waitress came up to me said "the man in the red shirt just paid for your meal, just so you know." I got up (and I didn't realize it until after, but I had my fork and dirty napkin in my hand when I went to talk to him) and thanked him for his generosity and kind gesture. He looked at me and said "Don't worry about it. I just know that where you are going, you are going to need it."
My waitress was nice enough to fill up my water bottles with ice, even the 3L bottle. It was 96 degrees out, and I knew that I was going to be working up quite the sweat. Every part of me had a bad feeling about how taxing this was going to be, mentally and physically. And that is where Lindsay came in. I had been texting her all morning (and previous evening), and told her what I was about to go into, because she fully understands. Her words to me were "You got this buddy." It is amazing that someone 1500 miles away can still pick you up and motivate you, just like she had everyday for a month. I was serious when I said that Lindsay would remain a part of this journey, and I am not talking about only words of encouragement, but we still are communicating throughout the day. She is constantly making me laugh. We are still constantly joking and reminiscing.
And I was off, with the mind set of knowing it was going to be awful, but I knew that it was only 19 miles. I knew where it was going to end, and that it would end. And so, like everything else, I just started doing it. I started by doing one 1 mile at a time. 19, 18. I was going 4.7 mph and only as high as 7.8, averaging around 5 mph. I was on my second to highest gear. The gusts would literally pound into my chest and force my torso backwards. My grip was tight on the handle bars, and I was crouched over and immediately would fight back after the initial blow and reposition myself. I felt as though the wind was just beating me up. At mile three, my water was already warm, which is not a position you want to be in in 96 degree heat. It is hard to keep your body cool with warm water.
The only way I can describe the wind is that it felt violent. I know that wind blows stronger than 28 mph, but I am pretty sure I have never stood in that wind before, let alone bike. I have only seen wind before that whips through the trees so fast that there is that stormy "howling sound." There are no trees where I was... only fields, but it was whipping through the dry grass so fast, that the howling sound was still very much audible. I pulled my bandana fully over my ears because the sound was deafening, and even that didn't do much. I felt like i had to focus just to hear myself think at times. When the gusts came, I told myself "I am stronger than the wind," and tried to keep pedaling.
I found a deserted building in a field near the road with about 4 miles left to go, and I stopped there to get out of the sun as I knew I was beginning to overheat, and needed some fuel. And then I was off to face the next few miles. I think I only really cursed once, because I just knew that I couldn't do anything about the situation. It wouldn't help.. I was trying to maintain my mindset that I learned the other day. This was just so hard. It is amazing what you will do to try to distract yourself. I thought about what I would eat for dinner (Subway, obviously), if the Subway would be in a gas station or in it's own shop, how far away it would be from the hotel. I couldn't down miles now by halves, because they were so long and grueling. I even recited a tongue twister over and over that my boyfriend taught me, and was highly amused at the fact that I could still mess up even after doing it perfectly three times in a row (The sheet is slit, who slit the sheet? Whoever slit the sheet is a sheet slitter).
And then, finally, after 3 hours and 45 minutes I saw it: the most beautiful intersection that existed (to me, at least) at that point: CR 156/CR183 that would take me to Larned. The thing was, those last 13 miles in the cross winds were long because I had very little reserve in me. I stopped at a National Park to get some shade as I noticed I had heat rash all over my arms. The fountain water was warmer than the water in my water bottles, and the women's room faucet didn't work. A ranger drove up to lock the facilities and I pathetically ran over and asked him if he had any water. He let me into the janitor's, and I splashed water all over myself. Wow, did I feel good after that. I pushed through the last few miles. My left hand was so exhausted from gripping the handlebars that i couldn't even use it to shift, and had top reach over south my right hand. I rolled into Larned, dropped my stuff off, indulged in Subway and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
Lindsay had "bliped me" a quote from T.S. Eliot the night before that is in the prelude of the book "3 MPH:" "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." Finishing the day left a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment, not because my legs were supported by a mattress and not clipped pedals at that point, (which undoubtedly helped ), but because I had just conquered 28 mph of crosswinds with incredible gusts. I would have typically avoid winds higher than 10 mph if could while training (and had the chance to do so today).
Today i was reminded to always fight, if you have the choice, because chances are that you will be stronger for doing so, and maybe even better off. The next battle will be easier because it seems as you dig deeper and deeper, what you end up finding is what you are really made of, and what you are capable. Scratching the surface will only give you a glimpse.
So, may the winds of Kansas hear me
now: You can try to knock me over, but you won't knock me down. The headwinds will certainly never be a favorite of mine to take on, but I have a feeling that after this fight today, my remaining battles with this particular element won't be so bad. It's all relative, right??
They say that wind is the Power of Spirit of life; it can move water, lift things up, and it can reshape mountains over time. Today, I was stronger than the wind. What an incredible concept to sleep on.
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